i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
