Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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