We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
