she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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