im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
