I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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