In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
