margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
