So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
