last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
