well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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