I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
