I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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