I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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