well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
zippers are such a cool invention
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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