Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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