I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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