Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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