But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize