His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
