Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
