Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
