I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
