Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The uberlube is also flammable
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
