The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
