There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Randomize
