I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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