He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
