Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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