Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize