We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
