So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
