so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
