My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
