is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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