2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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