Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
