Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
