so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
