could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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