somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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