plz talk dirty to me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
