i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
