so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
