Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize