my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
