I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
