Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I pour the whiskey from now on
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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