it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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