my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
why is half of my head shaved?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize