I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
