Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
