Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize