Your mouth is God's brothel.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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