do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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