so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
