READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
