it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
