Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
