Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
