i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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