Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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