We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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