I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
