I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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