Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
