Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
