She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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