It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
