I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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