I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
