Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
As shirtless as possible
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
