By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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