He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Oh god it's open bar.
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