I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
