Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize