what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
