sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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