Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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