if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize