I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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