just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
