We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
