yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
