Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
