Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
