I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
