At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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