just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize