so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She told me I should be a condom model.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
