Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm like, not good at living.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
