I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
