I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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