I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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