i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This baby is an asshole
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
