there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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