I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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