Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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