I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
