I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
And then my night got REAL pukey
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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